And we're slow to acknowledge the knots on the laces

I have a bad (but sometimes useful) habit of putting on a face for the world. So much, in fact, that I often forget how I really feel, and assume I feel how I look.

Anyhow, the past few days have just been the pits and I think I have a lot of work to do and little energy to do it with. I just feel like crap, and this morning I got a speeding ticket which made things even worse.

I quit smoking AGAIN for the 23847234th time. Can I just say for the record that I hate smoking? It is disgusting, smells nasty, feels gross and costs money. I still don't know why I have such a hard time stopping "for real this time".

I will never say that I am fat, but I feel fat. I haven't been to the gym in months, mostly because I feel negatively about my body (very logical, right?). Some of it is lack of motivation, some of it is the fact that I have joint pain in every single one of my joints. I really can't imagine that other 26 year old women feel this way.

I know I was late to jump on the female friend bandwagon, and I'm really grateful for my friends that I have. But, I can't help but wish I had a small group of friends that liked each other so we could do things together. I find myself longing for "girly-girl" time, which is so not me. I want friends that I can sit around in my pj's with, eat junk food with, paint my nails with, blah blah. I feel so awkward sometimes.

So, things aren't that bad. I guess I'm just feeling a little whiny and probably need a big cry. It's also that time of the month, I just realized. As I get older, these times become less about bitching and more about sobbing. Jesus, I'm a woman. When did this happen?